* Kidnappers are not very
interested in you.

* In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.

* No one expects you to run into a burning building.

* People call at 9 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?"

* People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

* There's nothing left to learn
the hard way.

* Things you buy now won't wear out.

* You can eat dinner at 4:00 p.m.

* You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.

* You get into a heated argument about pension claims.

* You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.

* You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

* You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.

* You sing along with the elevator music.

* Your eyes won't get much worse.

* Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.

* Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the National Weather Service.

* Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.

* Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.

* You can't remember where you read this list!

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